The Day a Korean Grandma in Full Gear Destroyed Me on a Mountain

I was huffing. Like, dying. Bent over, hands on my knees, seeing stars.

Then she passed me. A grandma. She had those two walking sticks. Bright jacket. Hat. A look on her face like she was just out for a stroll.

She glanced at me once. Gave me a little smile. The kind you give a puppy that can’t climb stairs. Then she was gone. Up the rocks. Like a mountain goat.

By the time I got to the top, sweating and miserable, she was already coming back down. With a different snack in her hand. I wanted to lie down and become one with the dirt.

Everyone Was Dressed Like They Were Climbing Everest

I wore sneakers. And a hoodie. I thought it was a “walk.”

Everyone else looked like they were about to film a commercial. Matching outfits. Fancy shoes. The sticks. So many sticks.

I felt like I showed up to a wedding in pajamas. I tried to hide behind a tree. It didn’t work. A guy in head-to-toe orange gear offered me water. I said no because I was too embarrassed.

I still don’t know if the gear is required. All I know is I was the only one gasping like a fish, and my hoodie was soaked.

The Food at the Top Made No Sense But I Ate It Anyway

Halfway up, there was a little hut. It smelled amazing. Like soup. Spicy soup.

I sat down. People were all sharing tables. Slurping noodles. Drinking stuff from bowls. Nobody I knew. Nobody cared.

I pointed at what the guy next to me was eating. It came out steaming. I burned my tongue. It was the best thing I’d ever tasted, probably because I thought I was dying 10 minutes earlier.

I don’t know what it was called. I don’t know how much it cost. I just handed over some cash and got change back. I ate it so fast I didn’t even take a picture.

I Got to the Top and Just Stared Like an Idiot

The view was… big. City below. All the buildings looked like tiny legos.

I was too tired to be poetic. I just sat on a rock. Drank some water. Watched the grandma from earlier take a selfie with her friends. They all had the sticks. All smiling. Zero sweat.

I took one photo. My face was red. My hair was a mess. I deleted it.

Going down was worse. My legs were jelly. I kept thinking about that soup.

Summary

I thought I was going for a walk. I was wrong.

I got destroyed by a grandma. I dressed wrong. I ate mystery soup at a shack. I stared at a city.

📌 Things I Noticed

• People here are serious about mountains: The outfits, the sticks, the speed. I was not prepared.
• There’s food up there: I didn’t expect that. It was good. I was hungry.
• If you’re new: Don’t wear a hoodie. And don’t try to race anyone. Especially grandmas. You will lose.
• 
  

This is just what happened to me one weekend. I don’t know the names of the mountains. I’m not a hiking expert. Don’t ask me for trail advice. I still get lost going to the convenience store.

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👉 [Next in this series]:  The Day I Tried to Open an Apartment Door and Realized There Was No Handle

👉 [Previously in this series]:  The Day I Realized the Subway Was a Library and I Was the Loudest Person Alive